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On this holiday morning, do you fret you didn’t choose the perfect gift for a loved one? I always try, but everywhere I turn the suggestions flood in with unhelpful suggestions. No, I don’t want a scented wax that smells like turkey, because we’ll be cooking turkey. I also don't need a sunrise alarm clock, since opening the blinds achieves the same thing. I certainly do not desire a salmon DNA pink collagen jelly mask, as that genetic material originates in fish semen. Were I seeking fish sperm on my face, I would tickle some pollocks.

Seeking Inspiration In the Natural World

So if you constantly search for inspiration, my advice is: learn from wildlife. Our species did not create gifting. The practice has been around for at least 100 million years, well before our species evolved. With a little help from natural selection, this has given creatures plenty of time to master the art of giving. Heck, certain arachnids even gift-wrap their presents!

Leaving out fitness gear and other things I dislike, there are five main types of Christmas gift: edibles, homeware, jewelry, beauty products and clothing. The animal kingdom excels in every category.

Food Gifts: High-Protein Treats to Gourmet Skewers

Brazilian cuckoos give their partners nutritious morsels such as insects, frogs and lizards. However, for those who like your meat shished, then look to the butcher bird, or Lanius excubitor. Males impale their catch, such as bugs and rodents, on sharp thorns and twigs crafting impromptu kebabs.

Certain insects present to their suitors salivary offerings, but these aren’t ordinary globs. These represent scorpionfly spitballs, created from the freshest saliva from the engorged labial glands of the most genetically superior males. This offering is packed with nutrients, a key reason why females prefer males with big balls.

An additional factor is that the fittest males produce the largest gifts. When I say “fit” I don’t mean “looks great in a leather jacket”, though that may be true. I mean genetic fitness.

The gifts are given as a prelude to sex, thus, by selecting the male with the biggest package, the female is selecting genetic quality. She then eats the delicacy while mating but ends copulation as soon as it’s all gone. Bigger spitballs result in extended mating sessions, during which the male can transfer additional sperm and the female is unable to mate with other males. This clarifies why he bothers with such an elaborate offering.

Nest-Building and Shiny Objects

Adélie penguins don’t give food, but they do give nesting materials. In Antarctica, their home, there is no a hardware shop, so the penguins must source their offerings from the local landscape. Each breeding season, the males gather pebbles to begin constructing a nest. These crucial components are rare, prompting some chancers to pilfer stones from nearby nests. However, when a male gives a pebble to a female, it is a sign his readiness for commitment. Think of it as the penguin equivalent of an engagement ring. The stone is not worn, though. If she is interested, she accepts the pebble and places it into the nest. Subsequently, following some final adjustments, they are prepared to raise a family.

Regarding bling, crows excel in this department. Numerous stories of individuals who have befriended wild crows and later received bottle tops, fasteners, buttons and various glittering objects. In one notable case, two people in Florida even received a diamond bracelet from a crow they fed regularly. This is especially charming because while many creatures give presents in the hope of scoring, crows apparently give simply for the joy of it.

The Ultimate Multipurpose Present: Sponges

Off the coast of Australia, dolphins have been spotted collecting pieces of sea sponge from the ocean floor and utilizing them in interesting ways. On occasion, while foraging for fish, they place the sponges over their rostrum to shield their sensitive snouts. And sometimes, when males want to court females, they wear them as playful headwear before presenting them as gifts.

In so doing, dolphins ingeniously merge the last two categories of holiday gifts. Sea sponges are clothing and skincare. And if that’s not enough, when males present their sponge gifts, they frequently adopt a U-shaped “banana pose” and produce a whistling sound via their blowhole.

This is not the lackluster presents of domestic animals – like a cat leaving a dead mouse in an obscure corner – or some people. Dolphin presents are considerate, multipurpose, ethically gathered and delivered with panache. There is a lesson from them. A popular song may have said all she wants for Christmas “is you”, however, my single holiday wish, is to be given a sponge-based headwear and skin guard from a cetacean who serenades me with style.