These Words from A Father That Rescued Me as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to absorb harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a respite - taking a short trip away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."